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Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

If you ask Chuck Norris the time, he'll say "two seconds till." If you ask "Two seconds till what?" Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you in the face.

The headless horseman is headless becuase of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face so hard that he lost his head.

There are more great sayings out there people. Please find them, find them ALL and post them here!

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1.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

3. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

4. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided

6. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

7. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

8. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

11. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

12. Chuck Norris flew back in time using a secret technique taught to him by Bruce Lee. There he roundhouse kicked Leonardo da Vinci and stole his plans to a machine Leonardo has been working on his whole life.
That machine was the total gym.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

The Hulk turns back into Bruce Banner when he sees Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris house has no doors, only walls that he walks through

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period

God i hate chuck norris .....

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Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Lol, man, Chuck Norris is awesome.

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chuck norris can run around the world and punch himself on the back of his head

when bruce banner gets pissed he turns into the hulk, when the hulk gets pissed he tries to turn into chuck norris

faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap over tall buildings .. its a bird, its a plane .. no, its just chuck norris doing his warm ups

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Here are some more Chuck Norris Facts!:

If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing My Space for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. #happy

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

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